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She was Once
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sometimes
Written at 9:06 PM on Wednesday, October 31, 2007 0 comment(s)



sometimes,even though i do tell people my problem and what's troubling me...but sometimes,i do prefer to keep some stuffs to myself because i know no one else would understand me...heck,i sometimes don't even understand myself...i don't know what i want,what upsets me,what makes me laugh,what's right and what's wrong....i feel so guilty and sad when i argue with someone i care about..even when i know i'm not at the wrong,i'll just feel really bad...sometimes,the source of our argument might be so small that sometimes,when we think back,we might feel it's not worth it and sometimes,if we are able to argue long enough,we might even forget what we were arguing about....being angry at people really do take a toll on me...i will feel totally washed out just by feeling angry at people...i'm not an angry person...an angry person is one where they grew up in an environment where they feel that being angry and yelling at people is the only way to get things done....well,i'm not like that..in fact,you can almost always see me smiling and laughing all the time...but to know the true me,i don't think so anyone do...i do tell bits and pieces of my history to people...but the most darkest and deepest secret of all,no one knows....my past had been really bad...NO WORRIES,i wasn't abused by my parents....it was just a really bad past and it's really difficult for me to come face to face with it..sometimes,i find it even difficult to face myself just because i find it so hard to understand myself...I get agitated pretty easily...i love myself but sometimes,i wished,i could just take time away from myself...In moral classes,there's always this belief there that people will be able to reincarnate if they are not able to go to nirvana and they could reincarnate into lots of animals,humans being one of them...but reincarnating into humans,there's still a lot of stages..there's the royalty and the normal ones and slaves...how high u r just shows what good deeds you did in the past to be able to have that power..though i may not be from royalty but i truly love my family as they are and i would never trade them for anything else in the world...i used to not get it why would people wanted to acheive nirvana all the time but now,i finally understood it...being a human,you'll still have to work and slave over stuff you might not like..you might still cry and yet laugh,suffer and yet enjoy..being human,is somewhat,God's punishment which is better than Hell but not all that different....sometimes,life just feels like hell and yet,sometimes,there are still things in life worth enjoying...just that,sometimes,SHIT HAPPENS....

being in relationships with friends,family and couples really have the exact same feeling as being in love....P/S:


xoxo,

Su-Quinn