Once Upon A Time

it's difficult being me

Written at 7:00 PM on Wednesday, January 30, 2008 0 comment(s)

studying in degree was supposed be more relaxing than studying pre-u....but right now,it felt like i'm in a very difficult position...it felt like every move i take might lead to a consequence...a bad one in fact...sometimes,i just wanna scream it out..."i'm just a student"...i'm suppose to be enjoying my life for a little while more before i face the harsh reality in life and all those things that one would not enjoy...right now,i just wanna finish my degree and get out of here...

xoxo,

Su-Quinn

lexis nexis

Written at 2:55 PM on Monday, January 28, 2008 0 comment(s)

right now i'm in the lab because of a lexis nexis training....Edna just came down this morning and i was only able to chat to her for a little while this morning...miss her so much....wanted to tell her so many things....really miss those times when she was here and i could have someone close to me to spill out everything to....i find it hard to trust people now...i promised myself that if anyone told me a secret,i'll be sure to bring it to my grave but how come when you trust someone so much and that person promised to do what's best for you...instead,she made it worst..sometimes,somethings are better off not being known.....

xoxo,

Su-Quinn

A-Levels results!

Written at 11:06 PM on Thursday, January 17, 2008 0 comment(s)

took my A-Levels results today....my parents were glad that i met the minimum requirement but i was actually quite disappointed in myself....i retook my business paper because i thought i did badly but now,it's even worst...i had so much faith in it and was quite surprise when i saw my results...that's when the tears started pouring down....i had never cried because of my results before as i had never aimed for anything...i guess i was just reaching out for something which couldn't have had been mine....thanks to all who consoled me and i know it may not be the end of the world but at that particular moment,it felt like it....the feeling of disappointing oneself is even greater then the feeling of disappointing someone else....that is why i never pressure myself and i never expect....i did not regret for i had tried my best but i guess,my best just isn't good enough...

xoxo,

Su-Quinn

CARLY

Written at 9:55 PM on 0 comment(s)

the previous post i wrote it wasn't about you...i was having some family problems and i needed to talk it over with someone so i went off early last night..which i'm sorry for...yesterday,it was Bin Bin who asked me to asked you out...see,what i'm really unhappy about is everyone making assumptions about what i did and that led to everyone thinking too much...i didn't say anything but whatever pain and hatred i felt,i kept it inside...there's many things which i felt which no one else might understand..i never felt that i was the smartest...i just have some problems which i just wanted to let it out...i felt hurt for so many things but i shall just forget about it because i don't want to ruin our friendship...and in class,abby called you and i called you but you just didn't hear and i wasn't trying to make you embarrased or anything...i called you softly but you never heard me and you thought that i wanted you to get in trouble....if it's what you think of me,then let it be....i'm always at fault and i just wanna tell all those who felt worried about me,i'm ok...but if you felt like i may be a bitch or a slut...let it be....i wouldn't have that much strength to explain it to everyone....i felt really down that i couldn't be who i am and having felt so sad....the last time i felt that sad was when i lost contact with all my friends and knew that a lot of them where back stabbers....i never thought this would happened again in college..well,maybe what you said is right..i should learn to look at why people back stab me all the time....maybe it's me...my life is just meant to be this way..

P/S:i'm sorry to all who i've hurt....i never meant for it to happen....everything which happened was all my fault and i shall bear full responsibilty for it....

xoxo,

Su-Quinn

random

Written at 5:44 PM on Tuesday, January 15, 2008 0 comment(s)

every fucking blog i went to are trying to hint something..just fucking say it to my face....i'm so fucking sick of everything and i feel like puking....fuck it if u feel it's not ur fault...fuck it if i'm at fault all the time...just now when i was in the library,i felt like drowning in something...i think it's coming back..i hope it don't.....

xoxo,

Su-Quinn

fuck this feeling!!

Written at 5:09 PM on 0 comment(s)

it's been quite long ever since i felt this way but guess what...the feeling's back....i found out yesterday a friend of mine back stabbed me way way deep inside....i though it was over but i guess,human will always be human..no matter whatever we did,they just will try to control you and make you sad....GOD....why in the fucking world did she wanted to do that...i appreciate her friendship very much and in return,this is what i get....screw it....i will do what i want,when i want....you might think I'm stubborn but i don't try to control what you do with your fucking life may you be a prostitute or may you be a priest....so what the fucking hell is wrong with you....i wanted to continue on with this friendship and act as though nothing happened..but there's a thorn in my heart...i desperately needed to pull it out....friends?are there really true friend?or is it just a myth?if you fucking don't like what i do,just fucking say it to my face,why do you find the need to tell anyone else?shit...I'm cursing so much....i was really pissed off yesterday....it really felt really really hurtful....it's just like a friend you really trust,tried their very best to condemn you...you could really get an Oscar for your acting...i need time to forgive and forget this....i really do and i really hope i will because i don't want to give up on this friendship just yet...can't you just support me when i need you....i thought that was what friends do?i guess i was wrong....

xoxo,

Su-Quinn

racist?are we the same?

Written at 1:20 PM on Sunday, January 13, 2008 0 comment(s)

recently,i met a few international friends and i don't know but i kind of understand how they felt..it sort of like was when i went Cambodia and it really felt like i'm an outcast...i hardly speak their language and they really slaughter us like mad...well,a friend of mine got kicked out of his room even though it's obviously is Accomodation Office's fault....i think INTI is trying to pick on international students...it somehow felt kinda unfair...why do people have to lie and cheat all the time....well,i hope people would learn to be better and stop being so inconsiderate all the time...

well,on with another story...Carly Yap lost her room keys for two consecutive days..so careless la she....tsk tsk tsk....

something happened yesterday which i felt kinda happy but yet unsure...so i shall not blog about it yet maybe someday soon.....

tomorrow my new laptop will be coming d...yea yea...and it's pink in colour....woo hoo!!!!

xoxo,

Su-Quinn

an unlucky day?

Written at 9:22 PM on Friday, January 11, 2008 0 comment(s)

today,after coming back from class and after bathing,i sat down in front of my laptop...out of nowhere,my sister called me...she had never called me before so i thought it was something important....i turned around and i dragged the cable and everything fell down including my laptop.....and the screen broke and to repair it,i need to spend at least RM 1500 so,i thought since it was so expensive,i might as well get a better and cheaper one....so now i'm using Carly's laptop....damn saddening leh..haiz.....maybe it could be considered an unlucky day but on the other side,i guess now i could focus more on my studies d..haha....well,hopefully everything will be all right la....

xoxo,

Su-Quinn

tired nia.....

Written at 7:33 PM on Thursday, January 10, 2008 0 comment(s)

just came back from mid valley...feeling so tired...wanted to lie on my bed and sleep for the rest of my life but after bathing...no longer feel that tired anymore...right now,i feel kinda sick....probably from being so tired and not having enough sleep....today,i bought my formal clothing which costs me so much...it's scary....after counting the receipts,i felt so guilty as i had spent so much money in a day....if it wasn't for the legal career fair this Saturday,i don't think so i would go get the formal clothing so fast....felt really guilty lo....i don't even feel like spending anymore of my parent's money for Chinese New Year clothes....i already had a set at home so probably just one set for the first day would be sufficient....can't wait to go back home for chinese new year....it's not that I'm looking forward for the "ang pows" though it's not that I'm not....but i really miss all my cousins and my family....hope to spend the few days INTI gave us to the maximum.....INTI is kinda retarded i think....they gave us holidays on the 2Nd of February to the 10Th of February...even though it's very long but what the heck for?i mean,chinese new year is on the 7th and 8th and the reunion dinner is on the 6th...so what the heck for they gave us such a long holiday but not intending for us to spend it for chinese new year....sometimes,i just hate INTI so much...but i really do love it all the same....confusing?hmmmm,a lot of people would share the same feelings as what i felt so i guess,it shouldn't be confusing....

i'll be getting a big bear soon....yea yea!i think i might just bring it back here...haha!

my parents and siblings will be coming down on the 24th of January as my dad will be getting a cert from a prince from UK....can't wait to see them..they'll be staying over at my uncle's house on Thursday and then in a hotel in time square the next day...can't wait for Friday's class to be over....

glossary
ang pow=red packet

xoxo,

Su-Quinn

the problem is...

Written at 8:51 PM on Wednesday, January 9, 2008 0 comment(s)

it's getting more difficult for me to write out my true feelings here because,I'm beginning to realise that this is a blog instead of a diary...which also means that i can't write out something which might hurt someone's feelings...well,but i would still write out my feelings though i might or might not be directing it to anyone..nowadays,everyone or mostly everyone looks and sound grumpy...i hate the feeling of having to control your temper even when you are not happy with something....just now,i called a friend and i don't know what the heck is her problem but she picked up the phone and "what?"like i owe her my life..look here but no matter how bad my temper is,whenever anyone calls me,i would never use that attitude against them....because i would appreciate it very much when someone calls me...this is to show that i have at least a small small position in their heart at least worth a couple of cents....money are really hard to earn thus i appreciate every single cent worth of it.....i just wish everyone else would to....

besides that,i really hate it when people try to control me.....it's my life....your life is not even perfect...let me be just as i am.....i am me...you are you....

today,an incident happened which is quite taboo if it was to happened to me....a mum of a friend was admitted to the hospital and well,another friend called and prank call her by saying,"something happened to your household"....well,if any of my friends did this to me...i'm sorry but my normal reaction would usually be smashing your head through the wall..... look here but,family members are sacred to me and i love them dearly...so by playing something about them,you're actually insulting me....the girl was quite angry if not furious when she found out and i would like to quote a sentence she said,"no matter whatever joke i pulled,i would never use family members as a joke,what would you feel if i called you and said that,your mum passed away!"the same rule actually apply here.....

P/S:sorry for not updating all the time....really busy with lots of stuffs and felt kinda lazy to..beginning to be a lazy-bum-bum d.....shall try to kick all these bad habits away...

xoxo,

Su-Quinn

the long lost diary...

Written at 12:07 PM on Thursday, January 3, 2008 0 comment(s)

it's been like forever ever since i on my laptop and update my blog...sorry guys....but been really busy and even when i have mood to blog...something else always come up.....as some of you know,i just came back from Cambodia yesterday so sorry to all those who i did not reply or pick up their call...it cost me a lot to either reply u guys or pick up your call...thank you to all those who wished me happy new year...really appreciate me....a lot of stuff happened and some i might hate for it to happened but i guess,that's what u call as buying an experience....ever since i came back,a lot of my course mates kept complaining about classes as how many of the kids are smart and so many more...there's this one kid which i had grown to dislike during the orientation....and it ended up that that kid will be my course mate....arghh!!!i shall not mention that kid's name as it would be to honor that kid...haha!well,hopefully we don't get into a dispute but i'm super jumpy around people i dislike...but well,clique formed and right now,i'm still sticking to my old group....and hopefully,i can survive my degree..if i pass my previous exam that is....

BTW,sorry for not replying you guys on my C-box..here are some of the replies:

NATALIE:thanks for spamming my C-box..i shall do the same too.....what a waste you can't celebrate Carly's birthday together....

CARLY:ya..natalie super ss...she must be damn bored or so la....ya...very colourful leh..but kinda look like plasticine....ewww....

KERRY:next time i shall treat you tang yuan ok?come back la....and bring my souvenirs and we shall cook again....

HSU LENG:hehe...sorry for not being able to go to that picnic we planned...

P/S:the internet connection is super slow....damn you INTI...though i still love you at heart....gotta change my wishlist and my song d...this should've been my sleeping time...i'm sacrificing it for you dear blog...do appreciate it..haha.....sorry....stressed week....

xoxo,

Su-Quinn